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Non-Scientific Section No.2:

an Anti-HIV rant with jokes

(please scroll down)





Non-Scientific Section Number 2:


And Now a Word from our Sponsor/Author:


My Anti-HIV Rant: Why you should care and what we can do about it:

(Don’t worry. It starts out serious but ends with some jokes.)



[Data mostly from: Public Health Agency of Canada. HIV and AIDS in Canada. Surveillance Report to December 31, 2007. Surveillance and Risk Assessment Division, Centre for Communicable Diseases and Infection Control, Public Health Agency of Canada, 2008. found at: http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/aids-sida/publication/survreport/index-eng.php]



“In Canada, some of the highest rates and increases in STIs [Sexually Transmitted Infections] are in young people 15 to 24 years of age.”[http://www.health.alberta.ca/health-info/STI-STD.html]



            Don’t you think adults should bare some responsibility for this?

Graph of Cumulatie number of HIV positive adults in Canada showing a steady linear increase. It is over 60,000 in 2007.



            In 2008, there are over 60,000 people in Canada infected with the HIV virus. All these people are going to die of AIDS - a long, slow, terrible way to die. It is 100% fatal and almost entirely preventable.




Graph showing how some people extrapolate in a linear fashion to predict future rates of HIV positive adults.


Graph showing how they expolate. But this is a mistake, since epidemics do not grow in a linear fashion.

Graph showing how HIV infection rates grow expodentially, in an 'S' shape.

Graph showing how HIV infection rates could soon be very high, like in Africa.


Below is a Graph of the Rates of Infectious Syphilis in Canada. It is starting to turn up into the ‘S’ shape but it could be brought back down again with aggressive treatment with lots of antibiotics. But what about HIV? There are no anti-viral drugs that 'cure' it, so, once it starts its upward swing, there will be no stopping it. That is why you should care. We're talking about your family here and your Community..

Graph of Rates of Infectious Syphilis in Canada showing a large rate increase since 2000.


            Syphilis is treatable, to an extent – that is, until it becomes resistant to all the drugs that are currently used to treat it. I understand that during the 1600s, a Syphilis epidemic killed millions of people in Europe.

            The fact is that these diseases are almost entirely preventable. It is unlikely that technology will fix this problem.

            In my opinion, much of this problem is caused by our beliefs – our English Social Value System - our lack of morals. We have a society where adults are very irresponsible, and that includes me. I’m trying to make some changes and atone for my mistakes.

            We avoid telling our children about sex. I believe it is because we don’t want to look bad or be diminished in the eyes of our children - we don’t want to answer the inevitable question, “and Daddy, were you a virgin when you were married?” It happened to me and I didn’t handle it very well at all. I exploded and dumped all over her.  I’m sorry. I owe my daughter an apology. She was just a little kid and she didn’t deserve that. I never forgot it and it took me many years of self-analysis to finally admit to myself why I reacted that way. I was a very irresponsible adult - a normal adult.

            Some towns in Africa have HIV infection rates of 70%. In thirty years, we could be in the same boat here in Canada. We are no different than them. If we don’t change ourselves, we are going to suffer the same fate. And our choices will affect our Great Grandchildren. Do you want to watch them die? They’d be sick for years and years and you would never be able to retire – just like those Grandmothers in Africa – because they would need you to keep working to help support them, since they, and their children would be too sick to work. It is a terrible thing to watch your children die, but to make matters worse, is the thought that maybe you could have said something to prevent it.


            Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m not going to sit around and wait for this to happen. I’m not going to watch HIV come to my family or community without a fight. I’ve already started to try to change myself and my false beliefs. Here is part of my plan – things that I am going to do:


1.  Stop using Euphemisms (slang).

            One of the major weaknesses of our English Social Value System is its tendency to sexualize the human body and the major technique we use is the use of Euphemisms. We cannot maintain lust without the use of euphemisms. For example, males and females have very different definitions of the word ‘hot’. If a girl really knew what a boy meant when he says, “You look really hot tonight”, she would punch him in the head and never talk to him again. Our society, parents and especially teachers, ought to quit teaching kids to stop using ‘dirty’ words and instead, try to get them to stop using slang words for body parts, and they could start the process on themselves. Use scientific names for body parts, and you will kill all lust, guaranteed. They are ‘mammary glands’, not boobs, jugs, tits, breasts, or anything else. Our society is really, sex-crazed!


2.  Teach females about men.

            If females knew more about men, they wouldn’t be trying to use their bodies to try to get the attention of a man. This is a whole other project which I hope to start on soon.


3.  Take a stand for abstinence, faithfulness to a future or present spouse, against polygamy, against divorce, against remarriage, against premarital sex. I’ll be the best witness I can. So far, I've been getting lots of punishment over this one.


4.  Promote old-adult nudity.

            Yes, That is right. (Ok, this is partially in jest - the beginning of the joke section -, but I think the answer to many of our societies hang-ups could be cured by nude grandparents on public beaches, so here is my case.). As a society, our goal ought to be, to proceed with all necessary changes and as soon as practically possible, in order to implement the goal of having nude Grandparents on all public beaches . These would be the benefits:


            a. Nude Grandparents, with their wrinkly bodies, would so traumatize all the kids that no one would want to have sex with anyone else until they were twenty five years old and that would greatly reduce the risk of getting HIV – the older and more wrinkly the nude Grandparents, the better.

            b. Nude Grandparents on public beaches would get more exercise, be healthier, have a better appetite, sleep better, get a tan, therefore get more vitamin D, thus they would break less hips and would save the Province many millions of dollars in preventable Health Care costs.

            c.  All the perverts would be so grossed out that they might get cured: proof: there is no such thing as a ‘Peeping Tom’ in a nudist colony.

            c. Grandparents usually pick up garbage as they walk along so we would have cleaner beaches.



[Here is another of my jokes. It always gets a laugh out of the women:

             Did you know that men grow breasts – but not until after they are fifty. Men are late-bloomers. Men have mammary glands – just like women. Men can get breast-cancer – just like women. Don’t believe me? Well, then why don’t you see older men walking down the beach without shirts? Answer: because they all have breast and are rather shy about it, so they always wear a shirt to try to cover them up. Hey, I’ve grown breasts. Mine are bigger than some twelve-year-old girl’s. What do I need a woman for? – I’ve grown my own boobies now. (Now, if we can only get mothers to stop teaching their children that only women have breasts and not men. That is factually incorrect.)]



So there you have it folks. From the results of this vote, it looks like I have my work cut out for me.



Additional evidence that nudity desexualizes the human body:




[From the General Comments section of this paper, from a 30-something Male who was visiting Sylvan Lake from Edmonton, and said he has had experience being on a European Nude beach: he wrote]:


“Consider that most European beaches allow toplessness, and it is not tantamount to some sort of orgy. One glance at an 80-year-old topless grandmother on a beach in Italy will cure any horny young man that it’s a ‘sexual’ issue!”




[From: http://www.itfrom.us/2008/08/community-standards/]:


“I know you may be thinking, “why would you want to limit the presence of hot naked chicks anywhere?” Well, if you’ve ever been to a topless beach, you are well aware that for every hot topless French chick there are about 15 disgusting old German women who are topless as well. All of your hopes and dreams about a topless beach are quickly vanquished. All of a sudden, you are perfectly ok with everyone just putting their top back on. That becomes the standard you wish that community would set. But you don’t get to change the standard. You just have to stare directly at the sun until you have not only burned your eyeballs out, but hopefully the image of that herd of beasts you just saw thundering down the beach collecting shells as well.”




A short video clip that makes the same point. I have a few more but I probably shouldn’t put them up as they show nipples (...Oh my God!), and then this web site will probably get banned defeating all my efforts. You’ll have to take my word for it. Funny though.





Bob Crawford,


- end of anti-HIV rant -



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